Hello and welcome to the fourth edition of McSweeney’s Internet Substackency, the substack of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, a humor and satire website run by McSweeney’s Publishing.
Not to pat ourselves on the back or anything, but do we get points for not automatically signing up everyone on our lengthy email list for our Substack? We understand the reasons why others do this, as we all want to kick things off with a big audience. Still, we’ve been signed up automatically for dozens of Substacks, and while it’s flattering to be included, it’s also kind of exhausting. And we don’t want to unsubscribe because that would seem rude, especially when someone only has like nine followers.
Or, wait, now that we’re thinking about this again, should we have automatically subscribed the folks on our email list? No offense to those of you who signed up of your own accord (i.e., the true heroes), but this is simply what people do on here, right? We have all just accepted that from now until the end of time, we will automatically be signed up for 3.7 new Substacks a week.
You know what? This calls for a poll…
Thanks for participating in this scientific study. We can only imagine how many people would have voted if we had automatically signed up everyone on our email list. Oh well. What’s done is done.
Now, on with the links. Please memorize the URLs and shout them from your rooftop at your most popular neighbors.
As a politician who’s built his entire appeal around saying deeply hateful things about anyone who opposes me, the deep-seated hatred we saw on display last Saturday evening is truly unimaginable. As a person who’s wished abhorrent violence upon reporters, protesters, political adversaries, shoplifters, and people who I just don’t like, the abhorrent violence of this weekend’s rally is difficult to comprehend.
“What separates the successful from the unsuccessful are the expectations that they had for their own lives Peter Thiel’s money and how willing you are to lie for it. Yet the message of the right is increasingly: It’s not your fault that you’re a loser; it’s the government’s the Left’s fault. And it is.”
Please read all of this one, too. Also, subscribe to Mutual, Ginny Hogan’s Substack.
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Modern medicine has failed us. To live full, healthy lives, we must go back to what nature intended. That means real food, vigorous exercise, and a byzantine combination of unregulated dietary supplements.
It’s Ernest Hemingway’s birthday this Sunday, July 21, and every year we usually run a bunch of funny parodies of Papa Bear to celebrate. Check the Tendency tomorrow for two funny brand-new pieces, but until then, for this week’s BLAST FROM THE PAST, here’s this ridiculous list from way back in 2012.
1. The sun came out. It was warm and pleasant.
2. We had a couple of beautiful days this week. Tuesday was one of them.
3. We went out for breakfast because we had nothing to eat for breakfast.
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dear mcsweeney's,
thank you for all the delight that you share (like jen girdish's "hemingway or my mother's email")
AND thank you for asking people if they want to sign up for your newsletter. i wanted to AND i'm very happy to be asked.
you're great! i love it! thank you!
love
myq
You had me at "units of measurements", but slightly disappointed that the metrology division at NIST wasn't even mentioned once. I guess we're still not switching to metric any time soon, but Hemingway teaches us patience or something.