Timothy McSweeney Politely Declines to Join Your Drum Circle
Hello and welcome to the twenty-third edition of McSweeney’s Internet Substackency, the Substack of McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, a humor and satire website run by McSweeney’s Publishing.
Did you know we are on Bluesky? We actually have been there for over a year now, but like many others, we’ve been posting more frequently for the past month or so. It’s been oddly refreshing. Sure, it’s just another social media platform, but the vibes, as they say, are good. And the control you have over your feed makes X’s feed look like the classified section of a 1980’s alt-newspaper in comparison. Best of all, people are actually reading our pieces via the app, as Bluesky doesn’t throttle posts with links (like X and Facebook do).
We suppose it’s uncouth to discuss another social media platform from a different one, but whatever. This is all in service of getting the word out about our pieces and our contributors. As an independent publisher, our resources for these sorts of things are limited, and it seems people don’t use bookmarks on their browsers anymore (which boggles us to our gen-x core), so we do what we can to promote our work and get people to our site every day.
Okay, sorry, we’ll come down from our Bluesky box now. (But please, give us a follow if you’re on there?)
Alright, on with the links…
In the past year, I published two articles in peer-reviewed journals, including the leading journal Semiotics for Phlebotomists. I will submit copies to the committee as soon as I locate a library that still has the funds to subscribe to journals. I additionally got my manuscript under contract with State University Press. Publication was set for next year but has been delayed as the University’s board of trustees decided the press’s location would work better as a drinks lounge for football boosters, and the press is restarting operations in the basement of the facilities management building.
A WORD OR TWO FROM OUR STORE…
Brimming with tension, action, wry dialogue, and unexpected pathos, Penalties of June is John Brandon’s sixth book published by McSweeney’s. With his distinct feel for the underbelly of his home state of Florida, Brandon takes readers into the forbidding corners of the Tampa Bay area—unsavory motels, secondhand shops, no-frills diners, and dubious used-car lots. Pratt navigates crime bosses and drug dealers on a perilous mission, his steed a trusty (if creaky) Chrysler LeBaron. Faced with an impossible choice, and the prospect of finally finding love after years behind bars, Pratt risks it all for a chance at making things right.
Order Penalties of June from our store.
This isn’t complicated. A man is a man, a woman is a woman, and if we have any questions, we simply consult the highest governing body of a random sport.
As the saying goes, when in doubt, turn to the International Association of Amateur Heptathlon Competitors.
Scripture tells us that God made man in his image. Biology tells us that men and women are different. The International Cycling Union tells us that if a person’s natural testosterone is above 2.5 nanomoles per liter, well, there’s no way that’s a woman.
And here’s this week’s BLAST FROM THE PAST, a classic Tendency piece from our archives…
I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get these decorative gourds the fuck out of my house. The clock expired on these goofy goose-necked bastards about six weeks ago, but I pushed it, and shit got real on me. It’s autumn overtime up in here, and these fuzzy fuckers need to go. When my guests come over, I’m gonna be like, SORRY! My bad on all these rancid ornamental vegetables, you guys. I really should have stayed on top of this perishable shit.
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dear mcsweeney's,
thank you for these wonderful pieces as always.
i love this headline: "Gender Is Determined by God, Biology, and the Highest Governing Body of Some Random Sport"
much love
myq